It’s Not All About Me?

This question is something I have always really struggled with because I am naturally a selfish person at heart. I hate to admit that but that is just the truth. It plays a lot into my decision making and while I may be willing to give a lot, I also expect a lot in return. I have had to learn throughout the years to not expect things in return because not everyone else thinks like me and I will never truly receive all that I expect in life. The world does indeed not revolve around me or any of my decisions. My life and decisions affect others but my impact is only a small part in their life and nearly non existent in the world. Focusing on my own self makes little impact but focusing on others can make the huge impact because then I can be a world changer. However, learning to put others first is the hard part. Especially if you are anything like me. I have always been the drama queen, loved performing on stage, relished in the attention of others, made myself stand out and shine. I love being the center of attention and I have spent my whole life doing just that. So learning to put others before me is not easy and sometimes I have to be harshly reminded by those around me. I have blogged before about how my life is changing right now in past blogs and a major part of that is my mother is fighting cancer. The cancer is so aggressive that we are preparing for our last days with her and that is a lot to deal with. However, I have somehow made this whole situation about me and it really isn’t, not even close. While, I may be directly affected with everything, that does not constitute me having a pity party of my own and choosing to be angry at everything everyday. I have no right to be that way because I am not the one with cancer. I am not the one dying. I was reminded of that today when talking on the phone with my older brother about everything. I was venting my emotions and after i hung up the phone i took what he said into consideration. He asked “Don’t you think your being a little selfish? I mean you aren’t the one dying so it isn’t about you. Yeah it sucks but it sucks worse for her.”…talk about the truth. It took a while for it to sink in but he was right and I was making it all about me. Instead of focusing on how I feel, i should be focusing on how my family feels and most importantly how my mom is feeling. That doesn’t mean  I cant share or express how I’m feeling because that is important. However, I shouldn’t make it about me all the time and forget how others are important in the situation. My situation may be different from many other people but the advice still applies. It’s not about me and it’s not about you. It’s about those around us and how we can impact them through putting them first.